


Dragon Slayer (Alternative Take)

by dontknowcats



Series: Dragon Slaying [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Blood and Violence, F/M, Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2015-05-15
Packaged: 2018-03-24 20:12:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,836
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3782764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dontknowcats/pseuds/dontknowcats
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Atheva and her party return to Skyhold after fighting a dragon in a much worse state than they left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_“Cullen!”_

The commander’s eyebrows raised in surprise when he heard his beloved’s voice. Deciding it was just his imagination toying with him, however, he turned his attention back to the papers in front of him. There was more chatter carried on the wind up to his office than usual, and he found himself unable to concentrate.

“CULLEN!”

Another voice this time, followed by a breathless Varric bursting through the door to his office. It was strange to hear his actual name coming out of the dwarf’s mouth, but it made his insides knot together. It couldn’t be good news.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, pushing himself up from his seat and walking towards the door. His work forgotten, he went through all the scenarios in his head. They couldn’t possibly be under attack, for all he heard were voices. No steel clanging, no screams of terror. The party wasn’t to return for at least another week, so nothing could be wrong with any of his troops or Atheva.

“The Inquisitor… they’re back… she’s in trouble, Curly,” Varric panted. He placed his hand on his chest and leaned against the cool stone wall to try and calm his body down. Running up that many steps wasn’t the best idea, but it had to be done.

He looked up in time to see fear completely take over Cullen’s face before the commander ran out of the office. The arrival horn hadn’t been blown, so it must have been something bad enough for that soldier to run and grab someone for help instead of announcing the party’s return.

As he rushed down the stairs to the gate he saw Cassandra shouting out orders and pointing in different directions while Dorian and Vivienne hunched over a makeshift stretcher. He could see tinges of dried blood on the white cotton cloth holding who he could only assume to be the Inquisitor.

Her name broke from his lips as he rushed towards the group, only to be held back by Cassandra.

“Cullen! You do not want to see her like this!” She stated, her hands pressed against his breastplate. She was strong, barely even budging when he tried to take a step forward. “She needs help immediately. Dorian and Vivienne have been doing all they can, but it’s not enough. Please just—“ She glanced back at Atheva and her voice softened, “—just wait. We don’t want to worry her or add unneeded stress to her body.”

He was struggling to breathe normally as she spoke. He could see the hand that held the anchor, wrapped tight but the soft green light shined through, pulsating unlike before. It was slow and he could only imagine it being warm and comforting. Then two soldiers came and lifted up the stretcher and her hand hung limply off the side.

He saw her then. She was covered in blood. It matted and darkened her hair in places, dried her lips to a crimson red and stained her chin where it had been coughed up. Her face was scratched in multiple places by what looked like claws, and her clothing was ripped. There was a deep cut across the base of her neck, almost deep enough that he swore he saw her collarbones. It was then he saw more bandages laying on the ground where they had been removed. They were soaked with her blood.

Cullen immediately brought a hand to his mouth, feeling bile rise in his throat as the soldiers carried her towards the infirmary. If they hadn’t gotten it completed so quickly, he could only imagine how dire her situation would have become.

Cassandra turned her head as he emptied his stomach beside her, tears streaming down his face.

“Go wait in the infirmary, but please do not try to see her. Just wait. I’ll bring you some water and explain everything, and then tell Josephine and Leliana what has happened.” She reached up to place a hand on his shoulder, though he merely shrugged it off. “She will be fine, Cullen. She’s always been fine.”

“But she’s never returned like that. Maybe a broken bone or two, but nothing like that.” His voice dropped to a whisper as he spoke, and he wiped his cheeks dry of any tears. He walked past Cassandra, following the soldiers towards the infirmary, where he would have to wait at the door. He wouldn’t be able to make it inside without wanting to push his way to her.

Dorian greeted him outside the door. Dark circles were painted beneath the mage’s eyes, and he looked far too rugged to have taken care of himself. He began to reach out to rest a hand on Cullen’s pauldron as well, but brought it back to his side when he saw the look in the commander’s eyes.

“What happened?” He knew that Cassandra would tell him later, but he wanted to know right then.

“We found an Orlesian professor in the Western Approach who required help with researching dragons a while back, do you remember?” Cullen nodded. “Well, it turns out that he had given Atheva a map of Thedas showing where one can find multiple dragons. After taking down the one in the Western Approach, she wanted to fight another. I suppose it was quite a rush for all of us, so we agreed. There were three in Emprise Du Lion, and it was on the way back, so we chose to stop and rest there before finding them the next day. That’s when we sent in the letter about the detour we chose.

“Well, all three were very close to each other. We defeated the first two with ease, though Atheva was honestly looking rather tired. Even compared to Cassandra who has to run between their legs. Anyway, she pressed on and we followed suit. The last dragon was sleeping and she shot an arrow clean between its eyes to wake it up. Safe to say that it did not enjoy that one bit. It was a surprise when this one actually breathed fire and aimed straight at the Inquisitor.

“She was able to put herself out, at least, but the beast flew over to her and landed one of its feet right on top of her. It… It scratched her up pretty bad, but we were able to distract it enough before it thought of finishing her off. But then it called upon some dragonlings that managed to gang up on her. At this point she could barely stand, pressed her back against a wall to hold herself up to shoot. Vivienne put up barrier after barrier but eventually she found herself unable to handle the giant dragon and the dragonlings, and was forced to take down the barrier around Atheva so that she could use her energy to take out the babies. All I remember is hearing her scream… We ran after that. Cassandra grabbed her. If she asks, tell her it’s dead. I don’t want her wanting to fight that thing again.”

Cullen had taken a spot against the wall as Dorian talked, his arms crossed across his chest as images of his beloved fighting for her life. He imagined her tossing away her bow, grabbing one of the knives on her belt, and slashing blindly. The thought of her screaming made him shut his eyes and shake his head.

“Why is she so reckless?” He muttered beneath his breath.

Dorian was quiet for a while, staring down at the ground for a while before letting out a sigh and looking back to his friend.

“She loves you so much, Cullen. She falls asleep clutching your letters, talks about bringing you back gifts all the time. I saw her collecting scales off of the dragons that we had slain. Not just willy-nilly, either. She was looking for ones that would go specifically with your armor. But don’t tell her I said that.” He pushed himself off the wall and turned to walk away.


	2. Chapter 2

Dorian’s words vibrated through Cullen’s head as the mage walked away and the commander was forced to wait for longer than he would have liked. Gathering scales for his armor? She did promise him a surprise present soon, but he never would have imagined new armor.

The day went by slowly and there were multiple times that he thought of barging into the room and pushing his way to her. If it weren’t for visits from his colleagues and friends, he would have gone mad. He feigned ignorance whenever asked what had happened, simply saying that she had been attacked by something.

He watched the sun change its position throughout the day, keeping his eyes to the sky whenever he heard a ruckus inside. Twice he heard a muffled yell and both times they stabbed at his heart. Was it for her? Was it for another patient?

Cassandra was slow to get him water, finally arriving when the sky was growing dark and the sun was disappearing behind the mountains to the west.

“I’m sorry for taking so long. Leliana caught me on my way and I had to discuss this and other things.” She paused and held the cup of water out to him. “It isn’t a good excuse, I know. You must have gone crazy wondering what happened.”

“Dorian told me.” His words were sharp as he refused the drink.

The seeker froze and turned her head as she thought on how to proceed. With nothing better to do to explain the silence, she sipped at the water.

“What?”

“Dorian… wasn’t supposed to tell you. He doesn’t know the entirety of the story,” she whispered, turning her attention back to him.

“What?” He repeated, though this time he was looking up at her. Cullen pushed himself up from his seat and pushed himself into her face. “What does he not know?” He hissed.

“Sit down.”

“Tell me what he didn’t know!” Cullen said, his voice growing louder with each syllable until he was yelling.

“Sit. Down,” Cassandra repeated. She waited for him to calm down until he reluctantly sat, rubbing at his temples.

“Please, Cassandra. I need to know what happened,” he said, his voice tense.

The seeker glanced around with uncertainty, a strange move for her. She looked nervous as if she knew that what she would say was going to upset him.

“Dorian did tell you what he knew… About the dragons and the general attack. But on the way back we had to get him to go ahead to gather supplies to treat her wounds the best we could on the move. Vivienne and I were watching over her and…” She brought a hand to her mouth as she remember that night, and Cullen could swear her eyes were watering.

“Cassandra?”

“Cullen, she was excited. So, so excited. And she doesn’t even know,” she whispered, tears trickling down her cheeks. “She was so eager to tell you.”

His silence urged her on.

“She was pregnant, Cullen.”

He felt his heart stop and time stand still. He knew that Cassandra was talking, but he couldn’t hear her. They were going to have a baby! Wait, no… they _were_ going to have a baby.

“She was doing perfectly fine! Everything was fine until… There was blood. And—and we had to stop it. She wasn’t showing at all so we had no way of knowing. We thought it was just her normal time but when we removed her coverings and smalls…”

“ENOUGH.” Cullen slammed his hands down on the arms of the chair he was sitting on, and Cassandra could have sworn she heard the wood crack beneath him. “Cassandra if you… if you’re lying! If you’re saying these things to rile me up, I swear to the Maker!”

“Why would I make this up?! I am not a cruel person, Cullen,” she stated, glaring as he stood up to face her. “She’s been out of it ever since we left Emprise du Lion. She doesn’t know that she lost the baby. We do not even know if she knew she was pregnant.

“Vivienne and I agreed that only you and her should know. We won’t tell anyone else for the sake of privacy. Now if you will excuse me.” Cassandra wiped at her eyes before turning on her heel and walking down the hall away from the infirmary.

Cullen watched her leave, his blood boiling hotter with each step she took. She obviously cared, but not for how he felt. If she did, she wouldn’t have told him. With each footstep that rang down the corridor an image flashed in his mind of him and a brilliant child. A perfect mixture of his and Atheva’s features on their face. Their strawberry blonde hair shining in the sun.

The image of Atheva and him sitting in the infirmary after the child was born.

Atheva sleeping soundly with the toddler napping on her lap.

Vivienne presenting the little girl with “only the finest toys.”

Iron Bull letting the boy hang off of his horns.

Cullen play-fighting out in the courtyard with the nine year-old while they waited for Atheva to return.

He was going to throw up again if he didn’t stop. He could feel the tears drip off of his chin and he could see the small stains they made on the stone floor when he looked down.

His jaw clenched and he grabbed the chair in front of him before throwing it across the room. It felt good to destroy something like his beloved and her child had been. His fingers curled into a fist and he threw a punch at the wall, feeling the pain through his glove.

Even if he was mad, he knew better than to break his fingers and turned his fist to pound it against the wall. He couldn’t hold back the cries of pain and anger any longer and wailed weakly. It felt like his entire world had fallen around him, everything had gone dark.

The commander turned to lean against the wall he had just beaten and slid down to the floor. He pulled his knees to his chest and dropped his head onto them to cry.

How long had it been since he had cried like this? Kinloch Hold? Over eleven years since he had cried like this, watching his friends tortured and killed. Is this what they had felt?

The night went on silently with no foot traffic to distract Cullen from his grief. He eventually fell asleep there on the floor, dreaming about what could have been.

He was walking through Skyhold, his daughter—aged five—sat upon his shoulders. He had forgone his armor that day for her comfort.

“Are you excited?” He asked with a grin, holding her tiny legs in his hands to keep her from falling off.

“Mommy’s coming home!” She squealed, kicking her feet against his chest.

He laughed and bounced her up a bit as they walked down the stairs to the main courtyard of Skyhold. They played in the sun for a few hours until the horn was blown announcing Atheva’s return with the party.

“Mommy!” The girl yelled, running off towards the gate without waiting for her father. Cullen laughed and followed behind her in a jog.

He quickly caught up to her and scooped her into his arms, carrying her the rest of the way. It didn’t take long for Atheva to catch sight of them and she immediately made her way to her family.

“Welcome back,” he whispered before kissing her.

“Ewww!”

And then screaming. Atheva screaming and falling to the ground in front of him. It was a cry of pain and sadness and he couldn’t do anything as he was dragged from his slumber and into the waking nightmare.

Atheva screaming.


	3. Chapter 3

Cullen rushed into the infirmary, no longer caring about being a source of worry for Atheva. Each time she screamed he felt like someone was ripping out his heart and forcing him to watch them step on it.

“No! No, Vivienne, no!” She cried, unable to convey anything but her complete disapproval of the situation. Her fingers raked at her stomach, trying to pull the bandages covering her lower torso away from her skin.

The mage reached a hand out to keep her from disturbing the dressings, but found her hand gripped tightly and tossed aside. “Darling,” she whispered, tears threatening to fall once more. The Inquisitor’s screams had fallen to sobs by the time Cullen had approached, and he could barely handle seeing her in such a state.

She was patched up and awake, yes, but at what cost? She knew about the child she had lost trying to gather supplies for his new armor, and undoubtedly felt cold inside. Tears glistened in the rising sun’s light upon her cheeks, staining the sheet she sat beneath. “Cullen,” she breathed, her face one he had never wanted to see. It was contorted in pain and sorrow and made her look years older. “Cullen, _our baby_ -“

“I know.” He paused, trying to decide how to go on. “Cassandra told me. I’m so sorry that it happened, but-“

“Cullen, there is no but! Our baby is gone and it’s all my fault!” Her eyes shut tight as she tried to avoid looking at him, unable to live with herself. “I-If I hadn’t been so selfish…!” Atheva’s hands moved from her stomach and up to her eyes, where she pressed them into fists.

Hesitantly he reached forward, wrapping his glove-clad fingers lightly around her left wrist to pull her hand away. “Atheva, please… No one could have known it was going to happen,” he whispered. What was he supposed to do? He was just as upset as her, but not _at_ her. How could he ever blame her for what had happened and still feel like a decent man?

“I should have! I should have seen it and known that I was pushing myself and everyone else.” She pulled her hands forcefully from his and shook her head. Her breathing was ragged and shallow as the room went silent around her. Seconds passed before she spoke again. “Leave me. Please.”

“Atheva-“

“Ghilas!” She hissed before laying back down. The elf rolled onto her side with a low groan, effectively dismissing everyone.

Cullen stood with a sigh, not willing to be a source of pain for her in his lifetime. He motioned for everyone to leave before him and glanced back at the form on the bed before following. Outside in the hall, Vivienne was trying to calm herself.

“So, Cassandra told you?” She asked, dabbing her little finger at the corner of her eye in an attempt to not ruin her makeup.

He nodded with a soft sigh, his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose. “Yes. Did she- Did Atheva know?” His voice was quiet, almost a whisper.

Vivienne took a step towards him, somehow more intimidating than ever despite having just cried. “Sadly. As you could see, she took the news poorly. I just wish she had told someone, anyone! Then we could have saved it.” She shook her head slowly, playing over various scenarios in her head. “Or maybe we would still be in this situation.”

Cullen could only nod in response, unable to think of any fitting words that wouldn’t choke him. Vivienne dismissed herself, mentioning that she had to write a field report for the past journey. He felt lucky, for once, about having merely been an advisor. He wasn’t stuck with nightmares of her fighting the dragon, losing their child. But the other three? He wouldn’t wish such a thing on his worst enemies.

Hours passed by and he repeatedly caught himself wondering if he should return to her. She was awake and in pain, but she also wanted space and time to mentally heal from the trauma. If only he had been there, if only he had been able to protect her like he did the Inquisition itself every single day.

The urge to punch the wall again was strong, but he kept himself under control. The stones were cool against his head when he leaned against the wall, waiting for enough time to pass so he could return. His eyes shut briefly, only to open when he heard footsteps from the infirmary.

“Commander, ser?”

His eyes opened and he pushed himself to stand straight. It was then that he realized how sore he was from wearing his armor for so long. “Yes?” He replied, pushing the thought of his own pain into the back of his mind. The female healer in front of her reminded him of his mother, a delightfully plump woman with a caring smile.

“The Inquisitor would like to see you. She promises not to yell anymore,” she said softly, her fingers nervously twisting a piece of her brown hair beside her face.

“Thank you.” A sigh left his lips as he took a step forward, only to pause. “Can you tell her I’ll be a moment?” He asked as he began to pull his gloves off. The healer nodded and walked back inside to alert Atheva, leaving him to strip out of his armor in private.

“I thought I heard the clunk of metal outside,” Atheva said softly as Cullen walked in, wearing his underclothes and carrying his mantle in his arms. She had gained some of her color back, no longer looking like a ghost of herself. She even smiled when he did.

He took a seat beside her bed, the wooden legs of the chair scraping against the floor as he moved it closer to her. “I, um, brought you this in case you get cold,” he murmured, holding the fur mantle out to her. When she took it into her arms and hugged it close, he couldn’t help but feel himself relax for the first time since she had returned.

She buried her face into the brown fur for a moment before peering back up at him. “I feel like you just didn’t want to leave this alone. How else are you supposed to scare recruits?” She mumbled with a small smile. Her smile fell after a moment, however, and she took a deep breath before speaking once more. “I’m sorry. For earlier. I don’t know how to…” The words hung in the air, so many different things that she had to apologize for.

Seeing her in such a state made him frown. “Atheva,” he whispered, slowly reaching a hand out to rest on her shoulder. “Please, don’t apologize. You’ll feel enough guilt without thinking everyone else blames you, so you should know that no one does.” He could see her eyes begin to water once more, and he gently pulled her against his chest, leaning forward to envelope her in a hug. Feeling her against him was the final thing he needed to know she was truly alive, even if she wasn’t okay.


End file.
